forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
