DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
