Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Watching her eat just hurts me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
