My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
