I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
