i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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