think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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