I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
