I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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