i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
