I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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