just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
