Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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