just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
