it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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