Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
