I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
