I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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