Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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