And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
