she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
