Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
