This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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