I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
