When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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