I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
