I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
