So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
