I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
