very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
