I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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