I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
