I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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