Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
