When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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