D3 body, D1 cock
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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