im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
