wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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