I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
