Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
