I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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