I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
