that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
