I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
