she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
