i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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