Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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