The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
