Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
