just come out here and I will go home with you...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
