sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As shirtless as possible
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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