my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
